


If You Had Chosen Me...

by YuiMukami



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, Female My Unit | Byleth, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Black Eagles Route, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Black Eagles Route Spoilers, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Blue Lions Route, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Blue Lions Route Spoilers, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Golden Deer Route, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Golden Deer Route Spoilers, Mentioned Blue Lions Students (Fire Emblem), Mentioned Golden Deer Students (Fire Emblem), Possibly Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-11-15 04:23:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20860190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YuiMukami/pseuds/YuiMukami
Summary: "If you had chosen me instead of Dimitri... No, I shouldn't dwell on it. I'm grateful you came. I'm glad to have your strength, if only for today.""Why did you choose Edelgard, Professor? Why did you choose to walk this savage, bloody path? I cannot shake this feeling of regret... Regret that I must kill you now.""If you do not act now, this conflict... will go on forever. Your path... lies across my grave. It is time for you to find the courage to walk it. If I must fall... let it be by your hand."No matter who she chooses, Byleth will lose the remaining two.





	1. Claude

Byleth fought her way through soldier after soldier, trying to get to where Claude was. She heard a warning cry from Sylvain and whirled around just in time to raise her sword and block an attack from another enemy soldier. She cut him down and stopped to catch her breath.

"Professor," Claude called out. Byleth turned her head and watched him curiously. He’d never used her full title like that. She’d always been "Teach" to him. She hurried over to where he waited. "If you had chosen me instead of Dimitri..." He trailed off, his tone odd to decipher and his gaze unfocused, as if he were seeing some distant, alternate future. He suddenly shook his head and the faraway look disappeared. "No, I shouldn’t dwell on it. I’m grateful you came."

Byleth swallowed the lump beginning to form in her throat. "Claude, I –"

"I’m glad to have your strength," he interrupted her, "if only for today." Claude’s smile didn’t quite reach his eyes.

_If you had chosen me instead of Dimitri_. Her eyes widened slightly for a moment as his words sank in. Not "if you had chosen the Golden Deer house instead of the Blue Lions." _If you had chosen me_.

Byleth forced a half smile and nodded. "Of course," she replied. "I wouldn’t just leave you."

_But you did_, a voice in the back of her mind said. _You made your choice. You can’t change things now_.

For a moment, she paused to consider that hypothetical situation. The Deer were an odd, yet charming bunch, a mix of commoners and nobles. Ignatz, the kind-hearted art lover, the large and boisterous Raphael, quiet and lonely Marianne, determined and spirited Lysithea, the haughty, yet loyal Lorenz, Leonie, who was the most determined person Byleth could think of, fashionable and lazy Hilda, and Claude, their leader. Claude had always been friendly with her. How much deeper would their bond have gone if she’d chosen him and the Golden Deer? Student and teacher. Leader and tactician. Friends who fought side by side.

Byleth couldn’t deny that Claude had grown into an attractive young man during the past five years. She wondered if there could have been something between them. He would no longer have been her student, after all. Even back then, she’d found herself captivated by his smile. Claude was a hard person to read, but she’d always known there was something more to that carefree smile and laid-back attitude he hid behind. If she had chosen him, would he have any secrets from her? Would _she_ have any from _him_?

The former professor momentarily turned her attention back to the fighting, her eyes scanning the crowd for a certain blond-haired prince. She felt a pang of sadness as she watched Dimitri. He needed her. They all did. She couldn’t leave them now. She thought of the day she’d found Dimitri, broken and defeated, among a pile of corpses in the ruins of the monastery. She remembered the cold, dead look in his eye when she had tried to reach out to him. "I should have known," he’d said, "that one day, you would be haunting me as well." If she hadn’t been there to help him through the despair and darkness, what would have become of Dimitri? She cared for the young prince and was so relieved he was finally beginning to become his old self again, but Byleth couldn’t deny taking on Dimitri’s anger and sorrow took a toll on her. She had her own darkness to walk through and her own burdens to carry. If Claude had been the one at her side, would those burdens have been as heavy? Would the burdens of her students been hers as well, like they were with the Blue Lions?

Claude watched her as she observed Dimitri and the others. He closed his eyes for a moment, doing his best to push aside his true feelings. "Go on, Teach," he said, forcing his tone back to its usual lightheartedness. "I’m sure they need you over there. I’ll be fine."

Byleth turned her attention back to Claude and he winked. She nodded, trying not to think of the hidden meaning behind his statement. _I’ll be fine without you. I have to be_. She hesitated for a moment longer before reluctantly turning away, throwing herself back into the fighting.

Even long after the battle, long after Claude had left Fodlan, his words continued to haunt her. She would often lie awake at night, staring at the ceiling as his words echoed through her mind once more.

_“If you had chosen me instead of Dimitri...”_


	2. Dimitri

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Dimitri’s death, Sylvain and Byleth reminisce about the young prince.

Dusk had fallen by the time Byleth found herself wandering over to the chapel. It seemed as if her body had brought her here on autopilot while her mind lost itself in tangled thoughts. She expected everyone to be in the dining hall around this time, so it surprised her when a voice cut through the silence to greet her.

“Hey, Professor.”

“Sylvain,” she murmured, her eyes widening slightly. He grinned and gave her a small wave. She crossed the room to join him.

“What brings you here?” he asked. Byleth shrugged.

“Just on a walk,” she replied, her gaze focused on the ground. “Thought I’d stop by here to...” Sylvain glanced over at her as she trailed off.

“Are you still thinking about His Highness?” Her head shot up and she stared at the redheaded paladin in surprise.

“How did you..?”

“Because I’m here for the same reason,” he laughed. “Thought I should pay my respects somehow and this seemed like the best place for it.”

“I’m sorry, Sylvain,” she murmured, turning away from him.

“It’s not your fault, Professor,” he replied. “I made my own choice to transfer to your class. So did Felix and Ashe. Mercedes, too. No one blames you for what happened to His High- ...to Dimitri.”

Byleth nodded, unable to speak. They fell into a calm silence, each seemingly lost in their own thoughts.

“He liked you, you know,” Sylvain said suddenly, breaking the silence. Byleth looked over at him in surprise.

“He what?”

“Dimitri. He had a major crush on you back in the day.” Sylvain laughed quietly. “He used to talk about you a lot, ask me questions about you when I transferred to your class.”

“Oh,” was all Byleth could say. “I didn’t know that.”

He smiled sadly at her. “I’m surprised you didn’t notice the looks he gave you. Come on, Professor.” He lightly punched her in the arm, indicating he was teasing her and Byleth forced a smile.

“Now that I think about it, Dimitri did seek me out a lot during free time or in the dining hall,” she said. Sylvain nodded.

“Felix always said he was worse than a puppy,” he laughed. He was silent for another moment before turning to Byleth. “I should head back. I’ll catch you later, Professor?”

“Yeah,” she replied. “Thanks, Sylvain.” The redhead winked at her and then walked away, leaving Byleth alone in the church. Her thoughts lingered on Sylvain’s statement.

_“He liked you, you know.”_

Byleth had never been the best when it came to emotions, but she thought she had been a fairly observant person at the very least. But Dimitri’s apparent fondness for her had gone right over her head. She thought about her early days at the academy and how Dimitri seemed to trip over himself trying to recruit her. Even after she’d made her choice with the Black Eagles, he still went out of his way to assist her and he’d always been kind.

She closed her eyes, picturing Dimitri as she had seen him last. Hatred radiated from him in waves, a haunted, crazed look in his eyes. He was there physically, standing before her, but the Dimitri she knew was long gone. She couldn’t find him anywhere in those icy blue eyes.

_“Why did you choose Edelgard, Professor? Why did you choose to walk this savage, bloody path?” He’d raised his lance and pointed it directly at her heart. “I cannot shake this feeling of regret... Regret that I must kill you now.”_

Byleth clenched her hands into fists as his words echoed through her mind. The hurt and betrayal in his voice hasn’t been as obvious as it was now. Or perhaps that was simply her imagination. Did Dimitri still have feelings for her even after all these years? She would never know.

She wondered if she had been aware of his feelings back then, would she have made a different choice? Would she have stayed by his side as he fell into madness and despair? Could she have pulled him from the darkness and guided him back into the light?

“I’m sorry, Dimitri,” she whispered. She opened her eyes and raised her head. Dwelling on it wouldn’t do her any good. She couldn’t change things now and besides, Edelgard needed her. She had to focus on what was in front of her, not what could have been.

Still, as she turned away, Dimitri’s smile flashed through her mind once again.

_If I had chosen you_, she wondered, _would I have been able to protect that smile? Or would your demons have dragged us both down?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I read somewhere that someone thought that no matter which route you’re on, Dimitri totally has a dumb little schoolboy crush on Byleth at first, so I took that idea and ran with it lol
> 
> I also spend a lot of time thinking about how the Blue Lions students I recruited felt about the war and siding with the Empire.


	3. Edelgard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If only she would have surrendered...

“It’s over,” Byleth declared. She stood opposite Edelgard, the latter leaning heavily on her weapon for support. _Now if she’ll just surrender and we can be done with this war_, she thought, preparing to voice those exact thoughts aloud, but the words caught in her throat when she saw the look on the emperor’s face. Edelgard shook her head, almost as if she knew what the former professor was about to suggest.

“It looks as though... my path... will end here,” she panted. Byleth froze. “My teacher... claim your victory. Strike me down.”

“N-no,” Byleth whispered, her voice barely audible. “I can’t...”

“You must,” Edelgard replied, her lavender eyes hard. Even in defeat, she retained her composure and authority. “Even now... across this land, people are killing each other.” She shifted her weight to one side, wincing as she did so. Byleth took a step forward and began to reach out, but Edelgard wasn’t finished. “If you do not act now, this conflict... will go on forever.”

She straightened, her presence as calm and collected as always. She smiled, and Byleth could have sworn there were tears in her eyes. “Your path... lies across my grave. It is time for you to find the courage to walk it.” There was no hostility in her eyes, nor was there any fear. Only acceptance. “If I must fall,” she said, “let it be by your hand.”

Edelgard would not surrender. It wasn’t in her nature. Part of Byleth had always known it would come to this. _If I had chosen you and your house, where would we be right now?_

Almost as if her body acted on its own, she raised her sword. She began to charge towards Edelgard. The emperor lowered her head, though her sad, lonely smile remained.

_You wouldn’t have had to walk this path all alone._

She drove her sword through her former student. The emperor embraced her as she did so.

“I wanted... to walk with you...”

Time seemed to slow down. She heard the emperor’s last words whispered to her, almost like a secret between lovers. She wrenched her sword out and tossed it aside. The weapon fell to the floor with a clatter.

Byleth was vaguely aware of someone screaming. Was it Hilda? Or Marianne? No, she realized. It was her. She sank to her knees, dragging Edelgard’s body with her. The emperor’s arms were still loosely wrapped around her and Byleth couldn’t bring herself to untangle them. She felt something wet drip down her cheeks. Assuming it was blood, she went to wipe it away, only to find tears. She was crying. She wasn’t sure how long she stayed like that.

“Hey.” A warm hand on her shoulder jolted her back to the present. She turned her head to see Claude standing above her. His green eyes were full of concern. “You okay, my friend?” Byleth looked down at Edelgard. “Stupid question, I know.” He gave a quiet, humorless laugh. “This was your first time killing one of your students, wasn’t it?”

_Not just that_, she thought to herself. _I..._

She gazed up at Claude desperately, as if he could somehow fix things. “First we lost Dimitri and now this...”

_Dorothea and Ferdinand are going to hate me._ Her grip on the emperor’s body tightened.

Claude reached down to pull her away from Edelgard and help her stand up. Yes, she’d lost Dimitri and now Edelgard too, but Claude... She stared at his hand holding hers and he gave it a reassuring squeeze. Claude was here, alive.

_I’m sorry._

She fell into his arms and he held her tightly as she sobbed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Figured I’d just go ahead and get it over with because it wasn’t gonna write itself lol
> 
> Edelgard is my favorite, so I wanted to put off writing about her death as long as possible. I love Claude a lot, but I started with Black Eagles for Edelgard, so she’ll always be my number one love in Three Houses. This is going on the belief that Edelgard always has some sort of feelings for Byleth regardless of the route.

**Author's Note:**

> "I hate this game," I say through tears as I continue to replay it over and over.


End file.
